How I Asked Sachiko to Marry Me

I had been planning to ask Sachiko to marry me since around Christmas of 2002. But, before I could make real plans I needed to ask her father for permission and I preferred to do that in person. Sachiko is from Hawaii and her family lives there- so short of flying there, I would have to wait for the family to come to the mainland.

My first chance came in May when we met her family in Las Vegas- just days after quitting my job. After a delicious French dinner, I tapped her dad on the shoulder and we took a little walk. (I learned recently that her brother Mark saw the exchange, automatically knew what was happening and escorted her away from the scene.) The secret was safe- nice moves Mark!

I told him that I never imagined asking a father for his daughter’s hand in marriage having just quit a perfectly good job, but that was the case that night. He understood the situation and gave me confidence that I was free to proceed with the proposal. We shook hands and agreed to keep it a secret. Mission accomplished.

Next came the ring and the place and time. Sachiko and I had discussed marriage and rings and the future, but were never too specific. We did agree that the size of a diamond would not be proportionate to the size of our love. We both value modesty in jewelry and a big rock was not our “thing”.

This was not good news however, when it came to shopping for a ring. I asked around, went shopping with one of her friends, and finally came to a conclusion based on my friend Blake’s idea. I would get a ring for the engagement that is beautiful and fitting, but not a traditional engagement ring. Then, we would collaborate and have one-of-a-kind rings made based on our own designs. This way the secret would be kept, there would be a ring for the engagement, and we would have rings that we designed together that would be the lifelong symbols of our love.

Over the last couple of months we’ve been trying really hard to save money by not eating out, not traveling and being conscious of expenses because I’m just getting my business started. Yet again, the situation didn’t lend itself to secretive engagement planning.

I mentioned small trips we could take with the engagement in mind, but they were eventually ruled-out because of expenses. I could have pushed the issue, but I knew that simplicity can be just as rewarding.

To make this occasion a little more special, I wrote out a proposal in terms of the future and how she gives me confidence and how we can accomplish anything as a team. This would be my proposal to her. I just needed the right time and place.

We finally marked two weekends on the calendar and decided to hold them for a yet-to-be-named outing. They were the weekends of June 21st and 28th. The weather didn’t cooperate for the weekend of the 21st, so I crossed my fingers for the 28th. I had considered a picnic at Discovery Park, a canoe trip on Lake Washington, a simple dinner at home- but nothing was decided.

Sachiko was the one that brought up camping for the weekend. We picked a place we had circled in a book last summer and decided we’d leave early Saturday morning. I packed the ring and the proposal in a secret pocket in my backpack.

The day of the engagement was like any other camping trip. We arrived and got set-up, got our bearings and did some relaxing with a drink in the sun. I had noticed a sign to a “River Trail” on the way in and decided that we would take the trail and I would propose to her during the trip. After hanging out for a while, I asked “So, you wanna do that little hike?” To which she replied, “Nah, I was thinking we’d do that later in the afternoon. I’m happy chilling out and I might take a nap.”

OK, I thought, she has no idea what’s coming. She will remember this day for the rest of her life- and she wants to take a nap? I’ll just have to wait till later. Sure enough, she took a nap, and after she got up we struck out with the ring in tow.

I had hoped to find a picturesque spot by the river, but as we went down the trail, it veered from the river and become lush forest. We came to a flat area with huge evergreens with the forest floor dotted with moss and ferns. The sun set parts of the scene aglow with light. It was really serene.

Like it was placed there for us, a fallen, moss covered tree was a few yards off the path. This tree would be where the proposal would happen- it was perfect.

On a whim, I was thinking of the gravity of what was about to happen and wanted to capture the moment. I wanted to have an image of Sachiko just before the engagement. So, I had her sit on the log while I took a picture of her. As she was getting situated, I moved the ring from the backpack to my pocket.

Then I told her that I wanted to shoot a short video of her. With the video part of my digital camera rolling, I had her say “I am a free woman!” We did two videos for good measure. Watch one here (1mb- and sorry it's sideways).

Bewildered, she was a good sport and continued to sit there at my request. I her told there was one more thing I needed to do. I pulled the proposal out of the bag and sat beside her on the tree. She looked very interested and at the same time unsure of exactly what was happening.

I set upon reading the proposal. I really wanted to recite it while looking into her eyes, but it wasn’t going to happen. With the piece of paper shaking between my fingers, I eked out line-by-line with an occasional glance to her smiling face.

By the time I was about ¾ of the way through, I was taking deep breaths after every line or two and fighting back the tears. When reading the proposal alone, it brought tears to my eyes- doing it in person with any composure was a challenge.

Finally I got to the last line that contains the actual proposal and it came out in the midst of tears, excitement and a little relief. The best I remembered she her first words were “Oh my god, oh my god, yes” as she her head fell to my shoulder where it stayed or a few seconds. We held each other, both sobbing, for a while. I placed the ring on her finger. She was no longer a free woman- at least not as free as she was moments before.

After we got our composure, we took some deep breaths and started to return to reality. We took some pictures of the scene and continued to recover.

All the secrets and planning had paid off- she was completely surprised. Throughout that day we talked about nothing but wedding plans, my work to keep the plans secret and how being engaged would change our perspectives in life. What was once mine or hers would now be ours.

Having had the plans for so long, I had the luxury of preparing for the engagement mentally. For her however, it came from out of the blue. I could see her mind racing. I could sense the questions popping into her head. This was an experience that I had hoped she would never forget.

So now we’re back at home and spending time on the phone and with friends. In total, it wasn’t a conventional or classic engagement, but I think it reflects the life that we want to live together. I would not have done it any other way.